The other day I ran across Tofurky at The Giant in Haymarket. It’s just wrong. Wrong! A turkey is turkey. Tofu is tofu. The two should never be merged, combined or conjoined. Ever. Meat eaters generally don’t like tofu, and tofu eaters are usually not carnivores. At the very least each are selective in their tastes, so it’s hard to see how something that combined the sorta-good from both could be great.

Ugh. Tofurky is not a bird. It’s not a plant. It’s not a bean? It’s a funky man-made meat that does happen to be healthy, organic and GMO-free.  Then again: perhaps the only reason it exists is because a marketer somewhere thought that such a magical food would attract two key food consumers. With Thanksgiving coming up, this special “not turkey, turkey” makes for a few interesting questions:

1. Is there actually a Tofurky bird farm, and can I get a drumstick?
2. Can you at least smoosh a bunch of Tofurky together and make it look like a turkey?
3. Do you get sleepy after eating Tofurky? And does it make you gassy?

Gobble.